In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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