Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
