UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
