There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Where is the hickey?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
