finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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