im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
