It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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