you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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