Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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