Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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