im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
