Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
