I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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