I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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