I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
