Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
