he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
