I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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