i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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