she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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