Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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