I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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