i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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