Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
