He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
