it wasn't lemon gatorade
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
