There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
