Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
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Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
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Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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