I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
