Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
