if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
