Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
