I just saw a hot homeless man
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
