I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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