They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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