Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
