Your face is a jimmy john
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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