I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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