I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
