i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
