apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
did you just send me my own nude
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
