i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
