I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
