remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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