she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
