ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
