I think I died a long time ago.
I think my vagina is haunted
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
