you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize