it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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