I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
