The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
