i used baking grease as lip gloss
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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