We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Congratulations! We have a period
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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