he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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