I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
