i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm having to shit out rocks
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