Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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