I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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